I’d
like to bring to our attention how these deep-rooted mindsets got from fairy tales have unconsciously crept into most of us ladies real-life situations, especially financially....the fairy tale belief
in a ”rich, handsome, tall, slim,
gorgeously dressed prince charming” who will make us wealthy, take away our
money problems and make all our dreams a reality!
I’ll share a real-life fairytale story, of financial dependence, romance etc, which
is a stark reality of this truth.
This
is the story of Simi, who believed that
her escape from poverty (which she suffered as a child) and her “assurance” of wealth and long term
financial tranquility, depended on marriage to a rich man.
Like many ladies with the “fairy tale
mindset”, Simi, was comfortably, totally dependent on her prince charming and
gave absolute control of her finances to him, never concerned about the source
and regularity of their finances (a condition referred to as the “Aristo or the
“Prince Charming Syndrome”).
A
number of ladies are like Simi; even those with high-powered careers or
businesses of their own. They look forward to a Prince, charging in on his
white horse and taking control of them and their family finances.
So
Simi didn’t discuss finances with Segun (the dream-come-true rich business man
she married). Simi was in the dark as to how Segun’s businesses ran, up to
the point when his businesses failed. She was oblivious that he took numerous
loans from the bank and friends to enable his family continue to live the very
comfortable lifestyle they were used to: travelling twice every year to the UK
and US for holidays, memberships to the elite class as well as many country clubs
where they enjoyed friends, golf, and the good life.
At
age 55, Segun was diagnosed with cancer. Although they knew he only had months
to live, the couple avoided talk about finances until the very end of Segun’s
life, when he told Simi they had virtually no assets and, as Simi told it, he
had been “robbing Peter to pay Paul” in order to maintain their
lifestyle. He also informed her she would need to sell their home in the
high-brow Banana Island in Lagos as there wasn’t enough money to pay the bank
and several debtors he owed who would come for her after his demise.
This
financial catastrophe all started when Segun started using loans to fund his
family’s lifestyle. Also when financial crises ended his businesses and he went
bankrupt, he used their home as collateral for loans. Segun’s retirement
account was worth very little as he began his retirement plan shortly after he
was diagnosed with cancer. And all the while, Simi had no idea of their
financial crisis.
Fast
forward just one year after Segun’s death...though Simi shows amazing
resilience, she misses Segun and is grateful for the life he provided her, but
she realizes her Prince-Not-So-Charming hadn’t done her any favors by keeping
the facts of their finances from her. She currently has to live with a
relative, find a job in one of her late-husband’s friend’s bakery as the Administrative
officer and her lifestyle has changed significantly since Seguns’ passing.
Simi
is now learning to live within her means and gather information on various
forms of investments — most importantly, that compounding or reinvesting her
returns rather than using them to augment her current lifestyle, will provide
added security for her down the road.
Simi
is fortunate because things are looking up for her now. But one thing I can say
with hundred percent (100%) confidence is, she won’t be relying on a future
Prince Charming to control her finances ever again.
Finally,
sorry to burst the ‘fairy-tale-happy-ending bubble, not all fairy-tales have an
“Happily-Ever-After-Ending” as can be seen in Simi’s case.
Do
you agree ladies, that “A Man/husband Is
Not A Financial Plan.” Please share your
thoughts.....
Nice one sis,welldone
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear sis
DeleteWow! A man/husband is not a financial plan...... A very realistic and eye-opening write-up. Thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteThank you my sister, glad you learnt something from the post.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Thank you very much. This is a life lesson ladies should know early in life. I will have my daughter read this.
ReplyDeleteWow Ann, that is indeed a fantastic idea.
DeleteFantastic sis! A man shouldn't be a financial plan. Yes, he is to provide for his home but a womam should also learn to "own her own". In the end, we are helpers not devourers.
ReplyDeleteI am mostly grateful to my parents who never allowed me watch cartoons growing up. I felt i missed out on a lot but now i know i didnt 😂😂😂
I can't agree with you more sis! A lot of us sisters need to increase our interest and ability to "own-our-own" (using your terms) in finances. While No one prays for any sad event like the man/husband leaving, divorce or even death but like we know life-happens and sometimes we can't explain why??. One thing I know is we mustn't leave ourselves open to being financially stranded. Thank you so much for your comment.
DeleteI absolutely agree that a man is not a financial plan. Sadly many ladies of my generation believe that a man must spend on them if not he doesn't deserve them.As a matter of fact a lot say I cannot wait to marry one very rich man, That is their life dream. Thank you for making it clear where that mindset curled from, It's definitely from these fairy tales.It's good for a man to have money but it's absolutely important for women too to be financially independent to avoid the Simi situation. This write up is indeed an eye opener ����Thank you ma'am.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sophie for highlighting the present mindset which need to be corrected.... It is too much of a risk to give and leave full financial control of your life into the hands of your partner alone. Like you have rightly pointed out we ladies also need to be financially independent as well.
DeleteVery true my sis Bisola. A man should not be a woman's financial plan. Thnx Sis for this piece. Quite thought provoking & inspirational.
ReplyDeleteA man is definitely not a finicial plan. Even if he has the best intentions for his wife,there may be circumstances beyond his control that make his plans fail. I'm of the opinion that the cartoons alone aren't to blame,the M&Bs we read as teenagers and all the romantic novels and films and even society usually expects the man to be a finicial plan. It is for us as adults who have had first hand experience to change the mindset of our children.
ReplyDeleteWOW!This is so relatable. So many young women can attest to this fact that relying solely on your husband's finance can never make a headway. A woman especially we the young ones ought to take responsibility by having "our own thing, Our own strings of income. This is how we can become help meet to our husbands. A woman shoukdnt be a liability to ber husband but a support system more like a backup plan to her husband when things go sore. Young women lets wake up, Lets have our "own thing that fetches good income. Let's learn from this story and begin to do something about our financial status...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this,we ladies need to wake up to the reality of not making our men our financial plan, but learn to manage our personal finances.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your articles. And especially this one.
ReplyDeleteThe amazing thing is the programming of the mind of the girl-child and in our age group is the lady-woman.
Why do I say so?
A man or husband or boyfriend or another woman That donot have financially plan as his profession, should not be planning it for u. Instead get a financial person to do so.
The same way you do when you are sick, You do not your seek a man or husband to plan your health,instead you seek a professional doctor to plan your health plan .
So it amazes me, when you as a woman put the area of finances in a man/husband /girlfriend /mother or father.
Joanna
Very enlightening! Thank you for this Bisola, your writing always hits it right on the head.
ReplyDeleteSo true. Many Women need to change their mindset. Trusting in man is what we do best. May we not be Simi's but learn . Nice one B.
ReplyDeleteA lot of persons wonder why I go all vexed when I see or hear of a lady(married or single) who is solely dependent on another(male or female) for her financial survival. I keep reiterating "a woman is meant to be a helpmeet not a liability". I know that some men have taken this helpmeet matter to the extreme and put all the financial load on the woman, this is very wrong(Anyways, that's not today's topic). A help is to support, augment and not to carry the whole load.
ReplyDeleteI believe every woman should take her financial destiny into her own hands. Draw up a financial plan for yourself. It goes beyond saying "I don't want to rely on a man to buy me pant and bra or to make my hair or buy my cosmetics etc." You should have bigger financial goals.
Who says you can't build or buy a house, take yourself/the family on a vacation, take that course, buy a car, change your wardrobe yourself without aid or support?
In a bid to avoid being misinterpreted by the men and even by fellow women, a lot of us women have gone to the other extreme of leaving it all for the men to sort our lives out for us. There should be a balance!!!
Arise dear woman and be all you are capable of being.
***I'm also talking to myself here. Lol...
Time to go review my financial vision board.
Thank you Mrs Bisola Atie for this.
A man isn't at all .Even when you entrust him, he uses your money to take care of other irrelevant things like his extra marital affairs, extended family, friends, etc .Let everyone run his/her finances
ReplyDeleteA very enlightening piece. Many women are victims of Happily-ever-after-syndrome. The most obvious problem with this assumption is the fact that women can’t always count on having a husband to support them.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet many fail to anticipate that reality — which is one reason why twice as many women fall below the poverty line in their later years. I hope we can continue to stir up ourselves with eye opening pieces such as this. Thank you for sharing.
This so true and real, most women don't want to come the reality of life, I absolutely agree to the fact that a man is not a financial plan no matter how wealthy he is, lady's need to come to this reality. Thank you ma for shearing
ReplyDeleteA story that portrays reality. It's pertinent for both man and wife to have a financial plan to support each other. The world has since changed from 'marriage'as a source of financial redemption. It's wise that women work on their financial status, hence making life easier for themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt is a wake up call;life is too short to build castles in the air!
Great piece ma'am.
Male or female: the cultures of saving, living within ones means and investing should be nurtured (simultaneously) from early childhood. Like learning to swim or ride a bike...much more difficult in adulthood!
ReplyDeleteWisdom is profitable indeed...